This poem: submitted for Madison Woods #FridayFictioneers, 100 words or less. Please check out other bloggers’ great stories, excerpts and poems here.
I like to keep things a lot happier on NiftiTalks, but the photo reminded me of the hurt that many of the young people I work with face everyday. Most of these young people rarely have anyone to confide in, leaving them very angry, and pushing them further into their cocoons to self-destruct. *I wrote the original version January ’12 after consulting with a student.
Your comments are appreciated.
A bud aches with revenge,
It cannot be restrained.
Its flowers shrivel by sunset,
Garnished with pain and regret.
Its wings, plucked.
A jewel sadly deformed.
Its roots will wither next
A presence it cannot re-erect.
But first it bows from the weight of its loss
and begins a quest to turn everything to dust.
So on the bud grows,
filled with the poison it sows.
Bile oozing from every pore
seeps into its very core.
Hence with every new bloom,
The promise of certain doom.
Categories: Free Flow
A very effective analogy. Good work.
Thank you Sandra!
I like the rhyme and meter. It’s like I read from a bunch of fortune cookies or something.
LOL. that’s good..? 🙂
This sentence is my favorite
So on the bud grows,
filled with the poison it sows.
Bile oozing from every pore
seeps into its very core.
Good job!
http://whimsicalquestsofacuriousmind.blogspot.com/
This is beautifully written, with wonderful imagery. Great piece!
http://www.lazuli-portals.com/flash-fiction/slick
Thanks Joanna. Your’s made me smile 🙂 But I dunno what happened to my comment 😦
I do like the parallel. I love that first line. It’s perfect.
My attempt: http://unduecreativity.wordpress.com/2012/08/03/test-subject/
Hello! Glad you liked it. I enjoyed yours 🙂
Well written Niftitalks and so effective. I like slot. Well done!!!
Hello Boomie 🙂 Thanks! I like slot too! 😉
Oops lol iPad not me lol…a lot. I like a lot 🙂
😀 I figured. I almost added give me that Ipad! 🙂
Fine imagery. A good flow of words and a ‘beautiful’ and effective take on the prompt.
Thank you for your kind words Celeste.
You already know I like yours 🙂
Nicely done–and your comment at the end gives your words added life.
Thanks for reading. Your story was excellent for the prompt 🙂
Great poem, but I can’t look at that picture for more than two seconds without feeling sick. LOL
LOL. That was me to for a while. Now I don’t notice as much 🙂
Great Poem, wonderful imagery. Like these words – Beautiful lines “So on the bud grows, filled with the poison it sows. Bile oozing from every pore, seeps into its very core.Hence with every new bloom,The promise of certain doom. Thanks for sharing and I appreciate you stopping by My Journal of Praise and liking a post. God Bless.
Thanks for reading 🙂
When I came accross your blog, I wasn’t on my computer and I couldn’t spend as much time as I wanted. I plan to come back 🙂
Simply amazing. So impressive the analogy sounds! Best!
The analogy is effecting and effective, Nifti. You sew doom into every phrase.
I’m over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/08/03/friday-fiction-torment/
Thanks so much! 😀 And looking forward to more frequent posts from you. 🙂
very doom doom revenge!
I thought your image of a bud hating the arc of its short life was dark and powerful. I never thought of it that way. Thank you for sharing.
I love the analogy. A message that should be headed.
http://www.rochelle-wisoff.blogspot.com/2012/08/wild-life.html
Thanks Rochelle. Your’s holds an incredible message!
Excellent use of your 100 words! You captured the darkness of its life perfectly.
Beautifully written.
For you readers:
http://adrarasdreams.blogspot.co.uk/2012/08/fridayfictioneers-slime.html
A great take on the prompt, and not just because you wrote a poem but because of the idea of a deformed bloom, with a taste for revenge. I tried to pick a favorite stanza, but they were all so strong. Nice work!
Thanks Brian! 🙂
Very nice!
It did feel like first half was stronger than the ending. “Dust” felt like the actual ending to the poem. The switch to couplets seemed like overkill. “Every” and “very” seemed particularly awkward (I’m not sure if it was the difference in syllables or the fact that the words were very similar).
Welcome back Stacey, good to have you again 🙂 Thanks for taking your time to offer feedback on the poem. Very much appreciated 🙂